Wisdom-less
by Scarpaw
Summary: Izaya gets his wisdom teeth removed.


So, on Monday I got my wisdom teeth removed. As a result, I decided to make Izaya get his wisdom teeth removed. That's really the only explanation I can come up with for this. This is my first time writing for Durarara, and my first time writing Shizaya, so I hope I did all right. I wrote this while I was kinda out of it from my surgery, and I've combed through it several times for inconsistencies/mistakes, but if I've missed something, please don't hesitate to let me know!

This is an established relationship AU within the canon-verse where Shizuo and Izaya are/have been dating, so just keeps a heads up for that, 'kay?

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!**

 _ **Wisdom-less**_

 _Izaya gets his wisdom teeth removed._

When he wakes up, he's groggy. In the first blink of awareness, he doesn't recognize where he is. In the second, he realizes that he's no longer in the same place he had fallen asleep. He doesn't remember falling asleep, actually. Or how he got… wherever he is, to be honest. The oddest part of it all though, is that he doesn't care. Not at the moment, anyways. He's oddly okay with everything.

Everything feels detached, and when he tries to move his arm it flops uselessly like a dead fish on the arm of the chair he's on. Something in his brain thinks it's funny, so a small laugh chirps out of his mouth. A different part of his brain, one that's moving less urgently than he thinks it normally does, says something's not right, but he disregards it.

"Oh," A female voice echoes in the small area he's been placed in with his chair. His eyes roll over to her, before following her gaze up to the other person she starts speaking to. His head feels heavier than a brick, and he doesn't think he'd be able to lift it if he tried. "Looks like Orihara-san is up already!" He recognizes the person the female is talking to almost immediately, a direct contrast to the slow functioning of his thoughts.

"Shizu-chan!" Izaya attempts to greet cheerfully with a wave of his hand, but what really occurs is Izaya drawls out the first half of Shizuo's name (accompanied by a flood of drool from his mouth – as he thinks about it, his face is numb and that's odd), before noticing the dead fish flop of his arm once more and laughing at that instead.

"That's right Orihara-san," The female answers with a great deal of patience, taking a gloved hand and wiping the drool off of Izaya's face, "Your pretty boyfriend –" Shizuo splutters at that, and Izaya's laughing again as the nurse pulls away, "–is here to pick you up. Isn't that nice of him?"

"I _brought_ him here, of course I'm going to pick him up," Izaya thinks he hears Shizuo mutter under his breath, but he gets distracted by the nurse – he's pretty sure she's a nurse, anyways. She waves down a coworker, asking for something before turning her attention on Izaya.

"We're going to change his gauze and double-pack it for the trip home," She's explaining, opening something and setting it down somewhere just behind Izaya's head. When he tries to turn to look at it, the nurse stops him with a hand on her shoulder.

"Is he supposed to be this…" Shizuo trails off, not sure what to say before apparently settling on, " _Weird_ , I guess?"

"Hmm?" The nurse hums, trapping Izaya's chin with a practiced hand as he tries to look around again. "Oh, yes, the confusion and, well, 'weirdness' is just a side-effect of the drugs he was on for the surgery. Orihara-san," She coos to the twenty-five year old like he's twelve as she releases his chin, "Can you look at your pretty boyfriend for me?"

"Mmhmm," Izaya nods in agreement, managing to loll his head to one side in order to stare at his pretty boyfriend. Over Shizuo's arm is Izaya's jacket, and he's holding a couple other things as well. Before Izaya can gain his wits about him enough to figure out what else his boyfriend is holding, the nurse distracts him again.

"Great!" She beams, "Now, can you open your mouth as wide as you can for me?" Izaya does so, not sure why, still in that out-of-it zone where part of him realizes something's not right, but the other part doesn't care.

The nurse places a hand lightly on his chin, and with the other hand fishes one wad of bloody gauze out of his mouth followed by another. When Izaya goes to shut his mouth she taps his chin lightly. "Keep it open for me Orihara-san, we're not quite done yet!"

Izaya keeps his mouth open, and the nurse puts fresh wads of gauze in his mouth. Once she's placed the last wad of gauze and has removed her hand, she nods. "You can close your mouth now, Orihara-san." He does so, and feels very much like a chipmunk. Looking at Shizuo does nothing to quell that feeling, because he has a look of laughter in his eyes when he looks down at Izaya.

"You're going to have to change his gauze again when you get home, Heiwajima-san," The nurse explains as Izaya stares between them. She's changing her gloves as she talks to Shizuo. "They went over his diet and cleaning schedule when you filled out the discharge forms, correct?"

"Ah, yes," Shizuo seems as caught off guard as Izaya feels confused. Which is very. "They gave me a pamphlet." He waves a piece of paper from the pile of things that weren't Izaya's coat that he had gotten distracted from earlier. "And they said this thing," Shizuo waves another item descriptively as Izaya stares, entranced, "Was for the, um, swelling?"

The nurse laughs, which drags Izaya's attention away from Shizuo. "Yes. You'll fill it with ice, and have him wear it twenty minutes, then have twenty minutes off. It'll help with any swelling that he encounters."

Swelling? What sort of swelling? Also, as he thinks about it, why did the nurse put gauze in his mouth? Something wasn't adding up, and his brain wasn't functioning properly enough to connect the dots. As he's trying to figure out what piece of the picture he's missing, there's a touch on his dead fish arm that distracts him yet again. Izaya stares at the arm, and then at the nurse, who's applying a piece of gauze to the crook of his elbow, fixing it there with medical tape. The nurse is still chatting with his boyfriend, making Izaya feel vaguely jealous – Shizuo should be paying attention to him, not the nurse – but at the moment he's more occupied with the fact that he's wearing a short-sleeve shirt. Izaya rarely wears short-sleeve shirts, regardless of the season, so why is he wearing one now?

Of course, he forgets this line of thought almost immediately when the nurse puts his arm back down. He tries bending and moving his arm to inspect the gauze bandage the nurse placed on it, but it just gives the same dead fish flop as before. It's still funny, and he laughs, but when he tries to show Shizuo, he's paying attention to the nurse instead of him.

"Ameno-senpai, I have the wheelchair," A new female voice cuts in, startling Izaya – and only Izaya, apparently – with her appearance.

"Thanks Kimi-chan," The first nurse, Ameno, takes the wheelchair and the other nurse, Kimi, hurries back down the halls. "Do you want to help Orihara-san into his coat, Heiwajima-san?"

Ameno doesn't wait for Shizuo to answer before taking everything from his grasp except for Izaya's coat. With coaching from both of them, they get Izaya to sit up on the chair, swinging his legs off it so he's facing the side that Ameno is on. From there, it's a trial for Shizuo to get the coat on Izaya, because Izaya's arms alternate between hanging like limp noodles and acting like they're seizing. By the time Shizuo finally wrestles Izaya into his coat, both Ameno and Izaya are laughing, and Izaya has nearly punched Shizuo in the face three times.

Ameno hands back Shizuo his items, and coaxes Izaya off of the chair and the few steps away to the wheelchair that is waiting for him. Unstable on his feet from the drugs that are still burning their way through him, Izaya barely makes it into the chair before collapsing. The nurse flips down the foot-rests on the chair, and leads the way out of the building.

* * *

The next thing Izaya is aware of is him sitting on the couch in his apartment, with no idea of how he got there. He's propped up in a corner of the couch with his feet laid out in front of him, resting on his coffee table. There's something wrapped around his face, and Izaya has no idea what it is or how it got there, how he got downstairs, or what time it even is.

His cheeks are numb from the cold, so Izaya assumes it's some sort of ice pack that was wrapped around his face as he removes it and drops it haphazardly on his coffee table. As he drops the ice pack on the coffee table he notices he's wearing short-sleeves, but doesn't dwell on it. What catches his attention more urgently than the short-sleeves is the taste of cotton he feels in the back of his mouth.

Izaya's just fished the first wad of gauze out of his mouth when Shizuo makes his appearance in the living room. He's staring at the pink-purple stain on the white gauze as if it holds some sort of secret, before acknowledging the other.

"I see you're making yourself at home in my apartment like always, Shizu-chan," Izaya comments, while fishing the other wad of gauze out of his mouth. "Ne, I wonder your visit today is for?" Pain throbs through his mouth as he pulls the second wad out, but Izaya schools his face so it doesn't show. Without any regard to propriety – it is his apartment after all – he throws both blood and drool soaked wads of gauze on the coffee table.

Shizuo, holding two of Izaya's tea cups, is staring at his boyfriend like he is an idiot.

"You're joking, right?" He grumbles, handing Izaya one of the tea cups. Izaya takes it, if only because if he doesn't his dumb brute of a boyfriend will probably drop it on the floor to spite him. When Izaya isn't forthcoming with an immediate answer, Shizuo fills in for him.

"You had your wisdom teeth removed today, you dumb flea," Shizuo drops on the couch next to Izaya, poking Izaya's cheek and causing what was more than likely an unintentional flare up of pain in his mouth.

Izaya can't stop himself from wincing, and flicks Shizuo's finger away to put his free hand over the afflicted area. As he thinks about it, yeah, he can remember how he was scheduled to have his wisdom teeth removed today.

"I know that," Izaya huffs, staring into the tea cup. Judging from the bitter smell and the black color, it's straight coffee. He doesn't acknowledge that he had momentarily forgotten the information. Which doesn't matter, seeing as Shizuo continues on, saying,

"You better," He takes a drink from his cup, "You kept asking me every ten minutes when I was trying to get you back here." Shizuo adjusts his voice, parroting the questions that Izaya had bombarded him with earlier in the day in a faux impression of his boyfriend's voice.

" _Why can't I feel my face? Why did they take my teeth? Can we go back and see my teeth? I want to say goodbye to my teeth. Because they took my wisdom teeth does that mean I'm a dumb protozoan like you now? Why do they call them wisdom teeth if they don't make you wise? Hey, why does my face hurt?"_

"I do not sound like that," Izaya mutters darkly into his cup, avoiding eye contact.

"You did," Shizuo retorts, carefully omitting the fact that he has proof – on the way back to Izaya's apartment, they had run into Shinra and Celty, and Shinra hadn't been able to resist taking a video of Izaya. Of course, Izaya will probably find out about it eventually, but he doesn't need to know about the video now. "You also said you were jealous of the nurse at the oral surgeon's office because she kept talking to me and referred to me as your 'pretty boyfriend'. Said that you were the only one who could call me pretty."

Flustered, Izaya barely manages to place his cup on the table without dropping it. "I did not!" He denies, flushing darkly before something crosses his mind. "Wait, how did you even know I was getting my wisdom teeth removed today?" He's fairly certain that he never mentioned that particular information to Shizuo.

Shizuo face-palms and Izaya gets the feeling that he has just said yet another thing that had a painfully obvious answer.

"You called me this morning saying you needed help getting to your appointment, flea." Shizuo explains dryly, and when Izaya tries to think back to this morning, he just gets a vague blur. He refrains from saying so however, because he has a distinct feeling that it won't help his case. "I don't get why you didn't tell me about it beforehand – would've made calling off work easier if it hadn't been last minute."

"I would've been able to get there and back by myself," Izaya retorts, drowning his words in his coffee, and Shizuo snorts.

"You could barely walk straight after your surgery," He deadpans, setting his cup on the coffee table. "I practically carried you back here – the only reason why I didn't is because you threw a fit when I tried."

"Because obviously I didn't need help from a protozoan like you, Shizu-chan," Izaya places his cup on the coffee table as well.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that," Shizuo responds, leaning over and poking at the bloodied gauze Izaya had dropped on the coffee table earlier.

"That's disgusting Shizu-chan," Izaya makes a face.

"How? I've been changing your gauze all afternoon." Reaching across the coffee table, he picks up another piece of gauze from a small pile near the corner. "Should probably put some more back in – it doesn't look like you've stopped bleeding yet." His eyes catch the bottle of pain killers sitting on the coffee table as he grabs the gauze. The oral surgeon had prescribed the stuff for the pain, though it is doubtful that Izaya will take it at all. The flea doesn't like taking medications of any sort, or anything that could have 'mind-altering' properties. The only reason Shizuo had gotten the prescription filled was just in case Izaya decides to use them, even though he knows his boyfriend's predilection for not taking any medicine will ultimately leave the bottle untouched and headed towards his shady work instead. Still, he might as well ask.

"Want one of the pain pills?" Shizuo grabs the pain meds, and Izaya pulls a face. He wants to say no, but the numbness from the icepack is fading and, as he pokes his tongue around his mouth, Izaya doesn't really want to sit with the growing pain.

"Fine," Izaya holds out his hand with a sigh. Shizuo drops a pill into his palm, and he throws it back with the last of his coffee.

"All right," Shizuo's grabbed a new square of gauze as Izaya puts his cup back on the coffee table. "Open your mouth."

"Shizu-chan, I'll be fine," Izaya frowns – he didn't appreciate the feeling of the gauze in his mouth before, and he doesn't particularly want to revisit that feeling.

"Just open your mouth, flea," Shizuo insists stubbornly, "You're still bleeding, and like hell I'm letting you drown in your own blood because you're being stubborn."

Izaya rolls his eyes, but finds himself complying with Shizuo once again. He opens his mouth, allowing his boyfriend to put one piece of gauze in his mouth, followed by another. As Shizuo puts the second piece in his mouth, Izaya snaps his teeth sharply down on Shizuo's fingers when he goes to remove them.

"God _damnit_ ," Shizuo curses as Izaya snickers in satisfaction. He's shaking his hand, glaring at Izaya. "You never get tired of that, do you?" Ah, so he had done that before while he was still out of it. Really, it's a surprise then that Shizuo wasn't expecting it this time as well.

Izaya only laughs in response to Shizuo's comment, changing his position on the couch to lean against him. He mindlessly plucks at the medical tape keeping a piece of gauze on his elbow, enjoying the momentary silence between the two of them. As they sit there, Izaya's plucking becomes slower, before stopping completely, substituted by deep breaths through his nose that tickle Shizuo's collarbone, where his head is resting. Sighing, Shizuo adjusts himself as discreetly as he can so he won't wake Izaya up, and resigns himself to an afternoon of being a pillow. Hopefully, he thinks, Izaya won't bite him again the next time he has to change his gauze.

* * *

 _Please review and tell me what you thought!_


End file.
